Venus- the Final Frontier

(photo credit: http://kids.nineplanets.org)

Gentlemen, are you lonely?  Do you spend your evenings in solitude?  Is your contact with the Fair Sex strictly pixelated?  Do you look on enviously while your brethren surround themselves with desirable females?  Do you curse your chaste existence with each passing minute?

Fear not, gentlemen.  Help is at hand.  Masters of the Venusian Arts are waiting to assist you.  Commit yourself to their teachings and let them help you elevate your existence to a new and blissful reality.  Do not fear the otherworldly expertise of this master, alien race.

They come in peace and leisure suits for all mankind...

This past week an essay posted at The Futurist titled The Misandry Bubble caused a minor stir in the blogosphere.  While reading it I was introduced to the concept of the Venusian Arts, which it defines thusly:

Mars is the God of War, while Venus is the Goddess of Love.  Study of combat is thus known as the Martial Arts, while the study of attraction, seduction, and romance is known as the Venusian Arts, as coined by Mystery, a pioneer in the field.  The subject is too vast for any description over here to do it full justice, but in a nutshell, the Internet age enabled communities of men to share the various bits of knowledge they had field tested and refined (e.g. one man being an expert at meeting women during the daytime, another being an expert at step-by-step sexual escalation, yet another being a master of nightclub pickups, etc.).  The collective knowledge grew and evolved, and an entire industry to teach the various schools of 'Game' emerged. 

Oh, my.

Pardon me while I don my chastity belt in self defense.

Success in internalizing the core fundamentals of the Venusian Arts requires an outside-the-box thinker solidly in the very top of Maslow's Hierarchy, and in my experience, 80% of men and 99.9% of women are simply incapable of comprehending why the skills of the Venusian Arts are valuable and effective.

Oh, Brave New World that has such beings in it! How long have Earthlings pined for their cosmic insights?

About 40 years, actually:

 

Learning the truth about how the female mind works is a precious and transcendant body of knowledge for any man.  Whether he uses it to become a fully immersed pick-up artist, to create a soulmate bond in a lifelong monogamous marriage, or even to engage in only infrequent yet efficient trysts with women, a man is free from the crushing burdens that uninitiated beta men are capitulating under. 

Yes, well- there's nothing like an efficient tryst, is there?  If there's one thing I really can't stand, it's an inefficient tryst.  

In fact, I prefer my trysting to be downright pithy. Like this:

So what is contained in this liberating body of knowledge?  Well, I can't reveal all of it (or else an official Venusian Arts Practitioner would have to strangle me with a paisely love sling), but here are some hints:

The general consensus is that from the time of meeting a girl to the time of closing a girl (depending on your definition--for adults it's typically sex, while for younger teens it's generally just making out/kissing. For older teens it's generally somewhere in between depending on age & experience), to do all 9 steps it should take anywhere from 7-11 hours of total face-time w/ the girl if you are running everything correctly. This does NOT have to occur all at once. It can be a few minutes here, a few hours there, etc.

Well, it is a busy, multi-tasking world, after all.

Here's Step One:

1.    Peacocking: Peacocking is the use of flashy or outlandish clothing to attract women.

OOooh, Pimp my come-on!

Like this, maybe:

 

(Remember, don't try this at home, grasshopper.  Not without the supervision of a Venusian Arts Master.)

Another core skill is to be Cocky and Funny while conversing with your conquest. The following example is offered as a definition of Cocky and Funny:

"If she doesn't find a dress that fits better, the fashion police are going to send in the SWAT team for her ass."

Get it?

Start with arrogance, then add humor.

OK.  I think I get it.  Something like this, maybe:

Andrew: It's a good thing I am pretty much of an Olympic sexual athlete.

Milo: Yes, I suppose these days you are concentrating more on the sprints than on the long distance stuff.*

 See? I've always been a quick study.

If you meet an attractive woman, and IMMEDIATELY start giving her a hard time about something, busting on her, and have fun, it basically says:

"You are interesting enough to talk to, but you're going to have to do a lot more than just look good to impress me. Your beauty doesn't make me nervous in the slightest, I'm perfectly calm, and in fact, I'm so comfortable that I just noticed something about you that I'm going to make fun of..."

...Once you start using this attitude, you will be totally astounded at the results.

Yes, I'm sure you will be.

I'm also sure that when some men look in the mirror, they think they see this:

(photo credit: www.omegawatches.com)

When the actual reflection is this:

(photo credit:bswusa.wordpress.com/.../be-nice-to-your-herbs/)

Masters of the Venusian Arts are sometimes referred to as 'playas' or 'PUAs', but there's another name for them:

CELIBATE.

 

References

*Sleuth- Anthony Shaffer

 

Comments

[Elise]

I appreciate the work of people who make me laugh. Thanks, DS.

[Topher]

People are in such incredible denial. If there's one thing well-practiced pickup artists are NOT, it's celibate.

Guys who want to figure out how to attract the opposite sex are "total losers?" Yeah, because that's not what women are doing with all of their girl talk, makeup and Cosmo from age 10 up.

[Toads]

People are in such incredible denial. If there's one thing well-practiced pickup artists are NOT, it's celibate.

I agree. The dumbshit who wrote this is projecting his celibacy and frustration outwards onto people he is jealous of.